I wrote a couple of weeks ago about the passing of well known and highly respected Australian radio host, James Valentine. Since then, I’ve had the opportunity to listen again to my interview with James whose opening question of me was, “Bob, what makes a good boss?”.
That question brought to mind the time that I ran a leadership development program for the Australian Institute of Management and in particular, one participant, Henk.
Now Henk had emigrated to Australia from the Netherlands some years before, found a job as a factory-hand working on the production line, and by the time he came to our leadership training, he’d risen to be the GM for the factory.
We were talking about good bosses, and Henk recounted the story of his great boss. Apparently, each Christmas he’d give Henk a small bonus, perhaps also a bottle of wine as a “Thank You” for Henk’s work during the year. As Henk proceeded to tell his story, I could hear and see that he was getting a bit emotional. Henk said, “You know Bob, the bonus and wine were nice, but it was the letter that went with the gift that was so good. In the letter, my boss thanked me for the work I’d done, the time away from family on business and the challenges I’d overcome, and so on”.
By this stage Henk had tears in his eyes, as he continued,
“Bob, you know the nicest thing about that letter – it was written in Dutch! Now my boss doesn’t speak Dutch, so he must have written it in English, had it translated, signed it, and given it to me”.
“Every year, the thing I look forward to most at Christmas is that letter from my boss”, Henk concluded.
At this point you could almost hear the entire training group giving a collective “WOW!”.
It’s one of the nicest examples I’ve heard of giving praise, and in my opinion, the number one skill a good boss must have. And, yes, praise is free. And as James Valentime said in the interview, “Everyone knows how to give praise, and it’s free, so why don’t bosses do it more often because it’s so important”.
A good question James, and one that I trust you too are considering as you read this article.
For instance, if you’re a boss, when was the last time you gave praise to one of your team for something they’ve done well?
Well, I wouldn’t get too worried if it’s been a while, because you may not be alone. Apparently, giving praise makes us all a bit anxious as studies at Stanford University have shown. Researchers Nicholas Epley and Xuan Zhao found that these fears seemed to arise from people’s perceptions of their own social “competence”; they worried they wouldn’t articulate the compliment correctly, without striking the wrong tone. “It turns out the recipient doesn’t give two farts about that,” says Epley. “They just care about how nice or kind the compliment is”.
James and I covered a lot of ground on good bosses in the 15-minute interview, but the lasting memory for me, is the importance of giving praise. I’m sorry I didn’t have Epley and Zhao’s research at that stage to provide one good reason for James as to why we don’t give praise as often as we should.
So, having now put that fear of our giving praise not being well articulated nor received well, we can enjoy the benefits – and there are a number, two of which I’ll summarise here. I’m sure you can think of others.
The first maybe a little well-known fact, yet a hugely researched topic – reciprocity. It’s been proven that giving praise to someone makes it most likely that they will subsequently praise others. What a great way to build team morale and motivation – everyone praising one another for their good work!
The second is that in order to give praise regularly, we have to continually look for people doing things well – and that develops in us a positive mindset.
So my message today is, “Every day, look for someone in your team doing something well, and thank them for it”. And to make sure it happens, tell your partner at home each evening the result of my “Today’s Thanking Experience”.
Oh, and one other bonus. Giving sincere praise is a powerful, free, and daily habit that can transform both your own day and the lives of those around you. Research shows that giving compliments activates the brain's reward centre - releasing dopamine and endorphins - similar to receiving a cash reward.
So, make all your days, rewarding and great!