Does your behaviour impact those around you — and can you change it?
Some years ago in the sports section of my local newspaper I read a report by Spiro Zavos which described the behaviour of a football coach during a very tense finals game. The antics of the losing coach gave a clear insight into why his team did not win and in fact why it continues to lose many close games.
In part, Zavos’ report read:
“He was at his over-emotional worst at Lancaster Park on Sunday. The eyes rolled more wildly than ever, he stalked the sideline. Not even the television cameras were safe from his flaying arms. His antics sent a damaging message to his team; that the fates are conspiring against them and they are, somehow, destined to lose. And for the second week in a row they lost a critical game. The winning coach on the other hand … sat impassively in the stands. The sign he gave to his players with this emotionless posture was that if the players wanted to win, they had to do it themselves. And they did. Just.”
Both these coaches were very experienced and knowledgeable about the game. Both had got their teams to the finals. But why did one coach’s team always lose the close games and the other team always win?
It depends on the positive or negative outlook we project which can dramatically impact those around us. Often we are not aware of the messages we are sending through our language and actions. Psychologists call this a Locus of Control (first developed by Julian Rotter, 1966).
Locus of Control refers to a person’s perception of the main causes of the events in their life. For example, do you believe that your destiny is controlled by you – “I did it myself”- or by external forces such as fate or other people – “It was their fault”, or “It was just a lucky break”? Put simply, if you believe that your behaviour is guided by your personal decisions and efforts then you are said to be more internally focused, that is you have an internal locus of control. On the other hand, if you believe that your behaviour is guided by fate, luck, or other external circumstances, then you are said to have an external locus of control.
Is one better than the other? Psychologically, that’s the $64,000 question. Generally, people with an internal locus of control tend to have greater influence on their motivation, expectations, self-esteem, risk-taking behaviour, and even on the actual outcome of their actions. As you would expect some studies also suggest that people with an internal locus of control tend to be more positive in their behaviour and outlook.
Do you know what your locus of control is? Perhaps the people who know you well are better placed to answer this for you. But there are also a number of short tests freely available on the web that only take a few minutes to complete and give you a good guide to your locus.
A second and probably more important question is: If you decide that you need to be more internally focused, can you change your locus of control?
The answer is an unequivocal “Yes”.
Many studies show that our locus of control is something we have learned and therefore can be changed. My own experience in working as a coach to club, national and international rowing coaches, is that training coaches by getting them to change their behaviour with their athletes improves the positive outlook the coaches display within 12 months. This approach has also been successful in my role as a training consultant in the work environment with new and aspiring managers who were looking to improve the motivation of their teams.
Understanding your locus of control is useful, but the real value comes from noticing how it shows up in everyday behaviour. One practical place to begin is with the language you use when giving instructions, coaching others, or talking to yourself.
How do you change your own locus of control and consequently your outlook? There are a number of training programs available that use effective behavioural change methods to help move people from an external focus to an internal focus. But if you want a very simple method that you can start applying straight away, then changing the words you use in every day conversations can have a major impact.
For instance, getting rid of the word ‘don’t’ from your vocabulary and replacing it with the positive image of what you are suggesting, begins to make you far more positive in your outlook. Take a look at the following short statements and see what images you get when you read each one (read the statement and see in your mind’s eye what it is suggesting) …
- Don't drop it.
- Don't walk on the grass.
- In case of fire do not use lifts (or elevators).
In the first statement the image that comes to mind is the picture of ‘dropping something’ and quite often the negative consequences of doing so. This reminds us of our previous negative experiences of dropping something, particularly when we were children.
The image that the second statement conjures up is of a person walking on the grass, not the footpath as the message intends. Note that ‘footpath’ is not mentioned.
And in the third example, the only thing we visualise is the lift. In fact studies show that when there is a fire emergency and the vestibule or foyer starts to fill with smoke, the only word that people recognise in these warning signs is the word ‘lift’- they immediately head straight for the lift, not the emergency exit as was intended. As a result, some authorities have now changed their signage to read ‘In case of fire, use the emergency exit pictured in this diagram’ (notice that in this new example the word ‘lift’ is not used at all).
Start to get the picture?
Each of the original statements immediately has both the sender and the receiver visualising and thinking of exactly the opposite (and negative) action that should be taken. However, by eliminating the word ‘don’t’ and replacing it with the positive action you intend (as outlined below), you will start to think and behave more positively, impact your audience more positively, and thus become more internally focused. Look at the way a person with an internal locus of control, might express the three statements …
- Hold on to the glass very carefully.
- Walk on the footpath.
- In case of fire use the fire exit described in the diagram.
In these new statements the receiver gets the positive, visual message immediately.
If you want to make positive changes in your life, start by noticing the words you use and the images they create. Some changes are simple, others take more practice, but even small shifts in language can help you become more positive, more intentional, and more internally focused.
This idea is explored further in Bob Selden’s soon-to-be-released book, Don’t: How Using the Right Words Will Change Your Life, which offers practical tips on how to phrase your self-talk — and begin to change the life those words create.