I remember in primary school being selected to be one of the “Three Little Maids From School” in the play the Mikado – and this was an all-boys school! Interesting how one’s mind wanders, as I was preparing a presentation for the Institute of Directors on managing difficult conversations in board meetings.
What’s “the Mikado maid” got to do with this you might ask? Well, my next thought was that the only other on-stage part I’ve ever had was as a radio newsreader in a high school play. Now this one was recorded, and I’d thought I’d done a pretty good job until I heard my voice played back – flat, monotone, and a bit boring. Such verbal expressions may be OK in face-to-face (F2F) meetings, but they do not engender engagement nor enthusiasm in online meetings, particularly board meetings.
Although I didn’t hear my Mikado part played back, I’m sure my voice was more interesting than the voice of the newsreader – at least it promoted a lot of laughing from the audience!
Now since we’re limited to two of our senses, sight and sound – and missing, smell, taste and touch – not only does our sound (voice/tone) need to express our thoughts and feelings well, our online meetings need to be particularly well planned and facilitated.
Research on the effectiveness of online v’s F2F has grown apace since Covid and the findings include:
- F2F generate 15%-20% more ideas and a greater variety of ideas.
- F2F have the potential to use all five senses – online are limited to two.
- Online can be more efficient for updates and where members are geographically dispersed, provided they are time-bound (60 mins is the norm).
- F2F are superior for building trust, and navigating sensitive issues where members are more likely to share their feelings about a topic or issue.
- In online it’s more difficult to “read the room” whereas in F2F it’s easier to assess the emotional atmosphere, energy and unspoken cues.
- Online meetings have been found to become more effective where members have previously met in person.
Before we get to some tips for managing difficult conversations in online meetings, setting the stage with effective planning can provide a good foundation. There are three planning considerations:
- Physical space. The majority of online meetings I know of have members who are each joining from a different place. Because members have not had to go to a shared space, they may also be mentally in “their world” – where the day’s events are perhaps still unfolding around them. One way of mitigating such distractions is to pre-agree a “How We Will Gather” Yes/No checklist to lessen anxiety and enhance predictability. The checklist should include at least; microphone & camera settings, private side chats, gallery view, screen sharing and my favourite “Gathering Time”.
- Perceptions: In F2F meetings it’s easier to gauge people’s perceptions on an issue through their bodily mannerisms. One can also sense an idea of how people are feeling about the topic in pre-meeting chit chat – hence the “Gathering Time” idea. Gathering Time is set for the first 10 minutes of the online meeting and is aimed to have all participants chat about their day, week, the weather, etc., before starting the meeting proper. Note the words used “Gathering” and “Time”. These are specific labels that indicate the physical purpose of the item. Some meetings further emphasise this by labeling it as “Gathering Place”.
- Emotions: With the difficulty of reading the room in online meetings, it can be useful to have a “Word Cloud Poll” available to gather a sense of the group’s feeling about the issue. These work where everyone enters one word or short phrase starting with “I feel . . .” about the proposal/issue being discussed. A screen shot will then show all responses (these can be anonymous if preferred).
Additionally, if you are aware that one agenda item is likely to be contentious, set a sub-item of “Listen & Learn”. Everyone is asked to share one observation about the issue. Process starts with the first two people sharing “I feel . . . “. After two people speak, third is asked to say where he/she agrees & disagrees and then present his/her “I feel . . .”. This continues until all members have contributed providing the meeting with an overall feeling of support for the issue or the need for further discussion.
So that’s the preparation. Look out for my follow-up article on managing the difficult conversation(s) during the meeting where I’ll cover; the use of the right words – taking an “I” perspective, triangulating to dimmish confrontation, and reframing – how to label conversations to create positive dialogue.
Oh, and in case you’re not familiar with the Mikado, I can recall that part of the maids’ chorus goes "filled to the brim with girlish glee are we" and we find "fun" in life. Not too sure about the “girlish glee” but I trust the points mentioned in planning for your next online meeting will at least provide a constructive meeting and who knows – perhaps a little fun.